WHY YOU CAN'T KEEP A GOOD MAN IN A RELATIOINSHIP

                                                                                    1.  You scare men off   

  

There are certain aspects that scare men off. For instance, women who think they are too smart to be handled by men, women who are too angry or  women who are too principled and think they can set boundaries scare the s**t out of men.

Here is the necked truth about men. Most men just want to marry someone who is nice to them. Female anger terrifies men.  I know it seems unfair that you have to work around a man’s fear and insecurity in order to get married — but actually, it’s perfect, since working around a man’s fear and insecurity is big part of what you’ll be doing as a wife.    

2.  You day-dream.      

By day-dreaming I mean you don't know what a good man looks like instead you look for things that tend to be attractive in your eyes.  

Here is the way out. When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters:  character.  So it stands to reason that a man’s character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right?  But if you’re not married, I already know it isn’t.  Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now.  Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.

Instead, you are looking for someone tall.  Or rich.  Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is.  Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife.  This is the thinking of a teenaged girl.  And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls.  Because teenage girls are never happy.  And they never feel like cooking, either.    

3. You’re a Slut.    

By slut I mean you can't have sex with one man. If you’re having sex outside committed relationships, you will have to stop.  Why?  Because past a certain age, casual sex is like recreational heroin — it doesn’t stay recreational for long.

If you want a healthy relationship be faithful or you will lose your man to a lady who seems more organized and has self respect. A relationship is a commitment and is you are not ready to commit yourself then this is not the kind of activity you should involve yourself in.

4.  You’re a Liar.  

     It usually goes something like this:  you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he’s not really available for a relationship.  He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he’s married, or he gets around town on a skateboard.  Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, “I’m not really available for a relationship right now.”

You know if you tell him the truth — that you’re ready for marriage — he will stop calling.  Usually that day.  And you don’t want that.  So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun!  You love having fun sex!  And you don’t want to get in a relationship at all!  You swear!

About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in.  You start wanting more.  But you don’t tell him that.  That’s your secret — just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends.  Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can’t live without you.  I have news:  he will never “figure” this out.  He already knows he can live without you just fine.  And so do you.  Or you wouldn’t be lying to him in the first place.

                                       -Tracy McMillan-


5. You’re Selfish.    

  If you’re not married, chances are you think a lot about you.  You think about your thighs, your outfits, your hips.  You think about your career, or if you don’t have one, you think about doing yoga teacher training.  Sometimes you think about how marrying a wealthy guy — or at least a guy with a really, really good job — would solve all your problems.

Howevs, a good wife, even a halfway decent one, does not spend most of her day thinking about herself.  She has too much s**t to do, especially after having kids.  This is why you see a lot of celebrity women getting husbands after they adopt.  The kids put the woman on notice: Bitch, hello!  It’s not all about you anymore! After a year or two of thinking about someone other than herself, suddenly, Brad Pitt or Harrison Ford comes along and decides to significantly other her.  Which is also to say — if what you really want is a baby, go get you one.   Your husband will be along shortly.  Motherhood has a way of weeding out the lotharios.

6. You’re Not Good Enough.    

 I can tell because you’re not looking for a partner who is your equal.  No, you want someone better than you are:  better looking, better family, better job.

Here is what you need to know: You are enough right this minute.  Period.  Not understanding this is a major obstacle to getting married, since women who don’t know their own worth make terrible wives.  Why?  You can fake it for a while, but ultimately you won’t love your spouse any better than you love yourself.  Smart men know this.

The good news is that I believe every woman who wants to can find a great partner.  You’re just going to need to get rid of the idea that marriage will make you happy.  It won’t.  Once the initial high wears off, you’ll just be you, except with twice as much laundry.

Because ultimately, marriage is not about getting something — it’s about giving it.  Strangely, men understand this more than we do.  Probably because for them marriage involves sacrificing their most treasured possession and for us, it’s the culmination of a princess fantasy.

The bottom line is that marriage is just a long-term opportunity to practice loving someone even when they don’t deserve it.  Because most of the time, your messy, farting, macaroni-and-cheese eating man will not be doing what you want him to.  But as you give him love anyway — because you have made up your mind to transform yourself into a person who is practicing being kind, deep, virtuous, truthful, giving, and most of all, accepting of your own dear self — you will find that you will experience the very thing you wanted all along:
Love.