A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jane, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered,"Put that silly thing on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
LESSON FOR ALL. poor boy loved a rich girl. One day the boy proposed to her and the girl said,"Hey! Listen, your monthly salary is my daily hand expenses. How can I be involved with you? How could you have thought of that? I can never love you. So, forget about me & get engaged to someone else at your level". But somehow the boy could not forget her so easily.Sometime 10 years later, they stumbled into each other in a shopping mall. The lady said, "Hey! You! How are you? Now I'm married and do you know how much my husband's salary is? $1,700 per month! Can you believe that? And he is also very smart." The guy's eyes got wet with tears on hearing those words. A few seconds later, her husband came but before the lady could say a word, her husband seeing the guy,said, "Sir you're here?Meet my wife."Then he said to his wife,"This is my boss,I'm also one of those working on his $100million project. And do you know a fact mydear? My boss loved a lady but he couldn't win her heart. That's why he has remained unmarried. How lucky would that lady have been if she had married him.These days,who will love someone that much he said to his wife.The lady looked in total shock but couldn't utter a word. Life is so short and it's just like a mirror.You can only see as much as it reflects. So don't be too arrogant and proud of yourself by looking down on people because situations change with time! Everyone has potential! SOMEBODY SAY YES EXPONENTIAL PONTETIAL
TOUCHING STORY A woman came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find her 5-year old son waiting for her at the door.
SON: 'Mummy, may I ask you a question?' MUM: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the woman.
SON: 'Mummy, how much do you make an hour?'
MUM: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the woman said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
MUM: 'If you must know, I make 50 dollar an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down. SON: 'Mummy, may I please borrow 25 dollar?'
The mother was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toyor some other non sense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed.
Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.' The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.. The woman sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the woman had calmed down , and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that 25 dollar and she really didn't ask for money very often.
The woman went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door. 'Are you asleep, son?' She asked. 'No Mummy, I'm awake,' replied the boy. 'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the woman. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the 25dollar you asked for.' The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you Mummy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The woman saw that the boy alreadyhad money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his mother.
'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the mother grumbled. 'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.
'Mummy, I have 50 dollar now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.' The mother was crushed. She put his arms around her little son, and she begged for his forgiveness.
MORAL LESSON: It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that 50 dollar worth of your time with someone you love. If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their live
Mike and John entered a chocolate shop. As they were busy looking at John, Mike steals 3 chocolate bars. After leaving the store Mike says to John, "man, I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, U can't beat that" John replies, " you want to see something better? lets go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing" So they went to the counter and John says to the shopk eeper, "Do you want to see magic? Shopkeeper replies, "yes! John says,"Ok, give one chocolate bar" The shopkeeper gave him one, and he eats it. He asks for the 2nd and he eats it as well. He asks for the3rd and finishes that too. The shopkeeper asks, "but where is the magic? John replies, "Check in my friends pocket and you'll find them!!
Husband & wife were arguing on who is d most Coward & Scared between dem. After a long argument, they decided to ask their 2 kids who they think was d most Coward & Scared between them. The first Kid says: Dad is d most Coward cos, 1: "He's scared of women: Whenever he sees a Beautiful lady in town; He closes his one eye (i.e- WINKs @ d LADY)...... Wife realizing d meaning was very angry with her husband" The Second kid goes: "dat is nothing. Mummy is so Scared to Sleep alone When DAD works Night shift, MUMMY Sleeps with d Man next door; Sometimes She invites d GARDENER or Uncle KINGSLEY to Sleep wit Her. Sometimes Uncle Mayowa d Youth Corper, after leaving ur room even escort her to the bathroom & bath with her just bcos she's scared. HUSBAND FAINTED IMMEDIATELY!
I was in a taxi chatting with my friend on facebook and suddenly discovered that the man sitting beside me was reading my conversation. Since i did not want to embarrass the man, i decided to change the topic of the chat; Abeg oga, please tell Kabiru Sokoto or Abu Qaqa that I only took two of the bombs we just manufactured for this operation. Let them know as well that I may find it difficult to get to the target place before the bombs explode because there is terrible traffic jam now but nevertheless, I am sure casualty figure will be high since we are five in our taxi and all the vehicles in the traffic will be affected too. We have less than 3minutes for the bomb to go off bye bye and take care of my parents and siblings as agreed. The Man, without allowing the taxi to stop quickly opened the taxi door and jumped out
A father was reading his favourite magazine and his little daughter every now and then distracted him. Trying to keep her daughter busy, he tore out one page on which was printed the map of the world. He then tore the page into pieces and asked her to go to her room and put them together to make the map again. Having done this, the father was now convinced he would read his magazine without any disturbance and also that it would take her daughter the whole day to get it done. But the little one came back within two minutes with the perfect map…………
The curious and confused father asked her daughter how she could do it so quickly?? She giggled and said , "Oh…Dad, there is Jesus's face on the other side of the paper, I made His face perfect to get the map right." Satisfied with the answer , she ran outside to play leaving the father surprised. Moral of the story: In life there is always the other side to whatever you experience. When ever we come across a challenge or puzzling situation, look at the other side, you will be surprised to see an easy way to tackle the problem……… be blessed
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. A...fter a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbour,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?” ... :
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This da y is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me.
When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener.I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
guess what Happened?? The truck driver Started Crying..!
TWO PASTORS DISCUSSING ABOUT THEIR BIGGEST SECRETS;
1st.Pastor: My problem is stealing...I cant stop stealing the offering money from this church. this would be a terrible thing if the church members find this out.
2nd.Pastor: My problem is having sexual relationships with almost every female church member including the married ones. If they find out about this, I will be doomed!
The 3rd Pastor clears his throat and says:-
3rd.Pastor: My biggest problem is that i cant keep any secret. I try but its very hard!
If you are SINGLE and keep on saying "I DON'T TRUST MEN OR WOMEN!" remember... your mates are getting married every Saturday. Let me ask you, are they marrying spirits? Wise up! If you are MARRIED and keep saying "I HATE THIS MARRIAGE!" OK! Is it not married people like you that are celebrating Gold, Silver and even Platinum jubilee? If you keep on ranting, ''I'M LEAVING MY MAN OR MA CHIQ, Plea se, go to town and see all the fine, cute, sexy, hot, hungry and desperate chicks/men waiting to snatch your man/ chiq, they don't even mind sharing. Make it work, my friend! Stop saying "I HATE MY JOB!" Look! 20million people are jobless and can't even find any not to talk of keeping it! Do you want to join them? You keep saying "I HATE WHERE I LIVE!" Oh please! *tears* Try visiting those locations that are flooding now, people leaving in tin/zinc shacks in winter or people living/ sleeping under the bridge at night and you will be grateful to God that you even have a place to stay! Some say "I AM TIRED OF THIS LIFE!" Well, go to the hospital and see people fighting for their lives! Go to the mortuary and take a look then tell me what you feel after that! My point is, be positive and believe in God, that's all that matters. AS FAR AS THERE IS LIFE, THERE IS HOPE. JUST KEEP TRYING AND TRUSTING IN GOD , EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT MY DEAR FRIENDS. appreciate what you have coz theiz someone somewhere dying to be where you are n have what you have.
One morning at a doctor's office a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"
The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club right? This morning I got home to my apartmentearly and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, That’s how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?" He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now. Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the sametime, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two Patients do.. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"......
Four friends met 30 years after school.One goes to the toilet,while the other three start to talk about how successful their sons became. 1st friend says;"My son studied economics, became a banker now he's so rich he gave his best friend a ferrari as a birthday gift. 2nd friend said;"My son became a pilot,started his own airline company,became so rich last week he gave his bestfriend a jet as a birthday gift. 3rd friend said,"My son is an engineer,starte d his own development company,became so rich he built his best friend a castle as a birthday present." The 4th friend came back from the toilet and asks what the buzz is about. They reply that they were talking about how successfull their sons have become and ask him about his son. He answers,"My son is gay and a stripper at a gay bar!" Other 3 say,"What a shame u must be very disappointed in him coz he aint successful!" He replys,"Not at all,he's doing great.Last week was his birthday and he got a ferrari,a jet and a castle from 3 of his boyfriends."
18 kenyan professors were called to sit in an airplane. When they all sat and the plane was about to take off, they wer informed that the plane was made by their own students..... All of them quickly run out of the plane leaving one man who was sitting confidently. Onlookers asked him why he was still in the airplane. He said if this plane was made by our students, trust me it wont even start!!!!
A man is praying to God,"Lord," he prays,"I would like to ask you a question." The Lord responds,"no problem. go ahead." "Lord, is it true that a million years to you is but a second?" " yes, that is true." "well then, what is a million dollars to you?" "a million dollar to me is but a penny." "ah, then Lord,"says the man," may i have a penny?" "sure," says the Lord,"just a second."
A man and a woman are involved in a car accident on a cold and snowy Monday morning. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt (just go with it). After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about how terrible drivers women make. The woman says, 'So, you're a man. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.' Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.' The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Let's drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.' She hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?' The woman replies, 'No.. I think now I'll just wait for the police...'
A man absolutely hated his
ReplyDeletewife's
cat and decided to get rid of
him
one day by driving him 20
blocks
from his home and leaving
him at
the park.
As he was getting home, the
cat was
walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to
drive the
cat 40 blocks away. He put
the beast
out and headed home.
Driving back up his driveway,
there
was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further
and
further and the cat would
always
beat him home. At last he
decided to
drive a few miles away, turn
right,
then left, past the bridge, then
right
again and another right until
he
reached what he thought was
a safe
distance from his home and
left the
cat there.
Hours later the man calls
home to
his wife: "Jane, is the cat
there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why
do
you ask?"
Frustrated, the man
answered,"Put
that silly thing on the phone,
I'm
lost and need directions!"
LESSON FOR ALL.
ReplyDeletepoor boy loved a rich girl. One day
the boy proposed to her and the
girl said,"Hey! Listen, your monthly
salary is my daily hand expenses.
How can I be involved with you?
How could you have thought of
that? I can never love you. So,
forget about me & get engaged to
someone else at your level". But
somehow the boy could not
forget her so easily.Sometime 10
years later, they stumbled into
each other in a shopping mall. The
lady said, "Hey! You! How are you?
Now I'm married and do you
know how much my husband's
salary is? $1,700 per month! Can
you believe that? And he is also
very smart." The guy's eyes got
wet with tears on hearing those
words. A few seconds later, her
husband came but before the lady
could say a word, her husband
seeing the guy,said, "Sir you're
here?Meet my wife."Then he said
to his wife,"This is my boss,I'm
also one of those working on his
$100million project. And do you
know a fact mydear? My boss
loved a lady but he couldn't win
her heart. That's why he has
remained unmarried. How lucky
would that lady have been if she
had married him.These days,who
will love someone that much he
said to his wife.The lady looked in
total shock but couldn't utter a
word.
Life is so short and it's just like a
mirror.You can only see as much
as it reflects. So don't be too
arrogant and proud of yourself by
looking down on people because
situations change with time!
Everyone has potential!
SOMEBODY SAY YES
EXPONENTIAL PONTETIAL
TOUCHING STORY
ReplyDeleteA woman came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find her 5-year old son waiting for her at the door.
SON: 'Mummy, may I ask you a question?'
MUM: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the woman.
SON: 'Mummy, how much do you make an hour?'
MUM: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the woman said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
MUM: 'If you must know, I make 50 dollar an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: 'Mummy, may I please borrow 25 dollar?'
The mother was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toyor some other non sense,
then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed.
Think about why you are being so selfish.
I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door..
The woman sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the woman had calmed down , and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that 25 dollar and she really didn't ask for money very often.
The woman went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.
'Are you asleep, son?' She asked.
'No Mummy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.
'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the woman. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the 25dollar you asked for.'
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you Mummy!' he yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The woman saw that the boy alreadyhad money, started to get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his mother.
'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the mother grumbled.
'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.
'Mummy, I have 50 dollar now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'
The mother was crushed. She put his arms around her little son, and she begged for his forgiveness.
MORAL LESSON:
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that 50 dollar worth of your time with someone you love.
If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their live
Mike and John entered a chocolate shop. As they were busy looking at John, Mike steals 3 chocolate bars. After leaving the store Mike says to John, "man, I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3 chocolates and no one saw me, U can't beat that" John replies, " you want to see something better? lets go back to the shop and I'll show you real stealing" So they went to the counter and John says to the shopk
ReplyDeleteeeper, "Do you want to see magic? Shopkeeper replies, "yes! John says,"Ok, give one chocolate bar" The shopkeeper gave him one, and he eats it. He asks for the 2nd and he eats it as well. He asks for the3rd and finishes that too. The shopkeeper asks, "but where is the magic? John replies, "Check in my friends pocket and you'll find them!!
Husband & wife were arguing on who
ReplyDeleteis d most Coward & Scared between
dem. After a long argument, they
decided to ask their 2 kids who they
think was d most Coward & Scared
between them. The first Kid says: Dad is d most Coward cos, 1: "He's scared of
women: Whenever he sees a
Beautiful lady in town; He closes his one
eye (i.e- WINKs @ d LADY)...... Wife
realizing d meaning was very angry
with her husband"
The Second kid goes: "dat is nothing.
Mummy is so Scared to Sleep alone
When DAD works Night shift, MUMMY
Sleeps with d Man next door;
Sometimes She invites d GARDENER or Uncle
KINGSLEY to Sleep wit Her. Sometimes
Uncle Mayowa d Youth Corper, after
leaving ur room even escort her to the
bathroom & bath with her just bcos
she's scared. HUSBAND FAINTED IMMEDIATELY!
I was in a taxi chatting with my friend on facebook
ReplyDeleteand
suddenly discovered that
the man sitting beside me was
reading my conversation.
Since i did not want to embarrass the man,
i decided to change the
topic of the chat; Abeg oga, please tell Kabiru
Sokoto or Abu Qaqa that
I only took two of the bombs we just
manufactured for this operation. Let them
know
as well that I may find it difficult to get to the
target place before the
bombs explode because there is terrible
traffic
jam now but
nevertheless,
I am sure casualty figure will be high since we
are five in our taxi and all
the vehicles in the
traffic will be affected too. We have less than
3minutes for the bomb to go off bye bye and
take care of my parents and siblings as
agreed. The Man, without allowing the taxi to
stop quickly
opened the taxi door and jumped out
A father was reading his favourite
ReplyDeletemagazine and his little daughter
every
now and then distracted him.
Trying to keep her daughter busy,
he
tore out one page on which was
printed the map of the world. He
then
tore the page into pieces and
asked her
to go to her room and put them
together to make the map again.
Having done this, the father was
now
convinced he would read his
magazine without any
disturbance and also that it
would take her daughter the
whole
day to get it done.
But the little one came back
within two
minutes with the perfect
map…………
The curious and confused father
asked her daughter how she
could do it so
quickly??
She giggled and said , "Oh…Dad,
there
is Jesus's face on the other side of
the
paper, I made His face perfect to
get the
map right." Satisfied with the
answer , she ran outside to play
leaving the
father surprised.
Moral of the story:
In life there is always
the other side to whatever you
experience.
When ever we come across
a challenge or puzzling situation,
look at the other side, you will be
surprised
to see an easy way to tackle the
problem………
be blessed
A man is getting into the shower
ReplyDeletejust as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in
a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there
stands Bob, the next-door
neighbour. Before she says a
word, Bob says, “I’ll give you
$800 to drop that towel.”
After thinking for a moment, the
woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob.
A...fter a few seconds, Bob
hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the
towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom,
her husband asks, “Who was
that?”
“It was Bob the next door
neighbour,” she replies.
“Great!” the husband says,
“did he say anything about the
$800 he owes me?” ... :
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying.
ReplyDeleteThe truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This da
y is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me.
When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener.I leave home, and come to this bar.
And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
guess what Happened?? The truck driver Started Crying..!
TWO PASTORS DISCUSSING ABOUT THEIR BIGGEST SECRETS;
ReplyDelete1st.Pastor: My problem is stealing...I cant stop stealing the offering money from this church. this would be a terrible thing if the church members find this out.
2nd.Pastor: My problem is having sexual relationships with almost every female church member including the married ones. If they find out about this, I will be doomed!
The 3rd Pastor clears his throat and says:-
3rd.Pastor: My biggest problem is that i cant keep any secret. I try but its very hard!
If you are SINGLE and keep on saying "I DON'T TRUST MEN OR WOMEN!"
ReplyDeleteremember... your mates are getting married every Saturday. Let me ask you,
are they marrying spirits? Wise up!
If you are MARRIED and keep saying "I HATE THIS MARRIAGE!" OK! Is it not
married people like you that are celebrating Gold, Silver and even Platinum jubilee?
If you keep on ranting, ''I'M LEAVING MY
MAN OR MA CHIQ,
Plea
se, go to town and see all the fine,
cute, sexy, hot, hungry and desperate
chicks/men waiting to snatch your man/
chiq, they don't even mind sharing.
Make it work, my friend!
Stop saying "I HATE MY JOB!"
Look! 20million people are jobless and
can't even find any not to talk of
keeping it! Do you want to join them?
You keep saying "I HATE WHERE I LIVE!"
Oh please!
*tears*
Try visiting those locations that are
flooding now, people leaving in tin/zinc
shacks in winter or people living/
sleeping under the bridge at night and
you will be grateful to God that you
even have a place to stay!
Some say "I AM TIRED OF THIS LIFE!"
Well, go to the hospital and see people
fighting for their lives! Go to the
mortuary and take a look then tell me
what you feel after that!
My point is, be positive and believe in
God, that's all that matters.
AS FAR AS THERE IS LIFE, THERE IS HOPE.
JUST KEEP TRYING AND TRUSTING IN GOD
, EVERYTHING WILL BE ALL RIGHT MY
DEAR FRIENDS.
appreciate what you have coz theiz
someone somewhere dying to be
where you are n have what you have.
One morning at a doctor's office a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"
ReplyDeleteThe patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club right? This morning I got home to my apartmentearly and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out
the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him,
That’s how I strained my back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?"
He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now. Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the sametime, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two Patients do.. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"......
Four friends met 30 years after school.One
ReplyDeletegoes to the toilet,while the other three
start to talk about how successful their
sons became.
1st friend says;"My son studied
economics, became a banker now he's so
rich he gave his best friend a ferrari as a
birthday gift.
2nd friend said;"My son became a
pilot,started his own airline
company,became so rich last week he
gave his bestfriend a jet as a birthday gift.
3rd friend said,"My son is an
engineer,starte d his own development
company,became so rich he built his best
friend a castle as a birthday present."
The 4th friend came back from the toilet
and asks what the buzz is about.
They reply that they were talking about
how successfull their sons have become
and ask him about his son.
He answers,"My son is gay and a stripper
at a gay bar!"
Other 3 say,"What a shame u must be very
disappointed in him coz he aint
successful!"
He replys,"Not at all,he's doing great.Last
week was his birthday and he got a
ferrari,a jet and a castle from 3 of his
boyfriends."
18 kenyan professors were
ReplyDeletecalled to sit in an airplane. When
they all sat and the plane was
about to take off, they wer
informed that the plane was
made by their own students..... All
of them quickly run out of the
plane leaving one man who was
sitting confidently. Onlookers
asked him why he was still in the
airplane. He said if this plane was
made by our students, trust me it
wont even start!!!!
A man is praying to God,"Lord," he prays,"I would like to ask you a question."
ReplyDeleteThe Lord responds,"no problem. go ahead."
"Lord, is it true that a million years to you is but a second?"
" yes, that is true."
"well then, what is a million dollars to you?"
"a million dollar to me is but a penny."
"ah, then Lord,"says the man," may i have a penny?"
"sure," says the Lord,"just a second."
A man and a woman are involved in a car accident on a cold and snowy Monday morning. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt (just go with it). After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about how terrible drivers women make.
ReplyDeleteThe woman says, 'So, you're a man. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign that we should be friends and live in peace for the rest of our days.'
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree completely, this must be a sign! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.'
The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Let's drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.' She hands the bottle to the man.
The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, puts the cap back on and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No.. I think now I'll just wait for the police...'