Wednesday, 2 January 2013


Everyone has a friend or knows a woman who is raising children on their own, there is no doubt single motherhood has become a norm in today’s world.  There are various circumstances that lead to this but let’s focus on cases where the dad split the day he got wind of the pregnancy.

You know how it goes, the chic calls or texts with the dreaded “we need to talk” the guy says “it’s not mine” before the poor girl even says am pregnant. Either way, it’s the lady who ends up with the responsibility man or no man. The big question here is why do men do this; he has a good job, even cruises around town in a sleek car so it’s not always monetary. Here are five of the main reasons according to Eric Payne.

Caught Up in the “Self”

At every point in men world he is often engrossed in one thing or another. For some it’s their job, you know the type that would be glued to their laptops all night and all day, techies especially. There are others that are not so passionate about their jobs but that daily bar chat with the boys during weekdays and out of town weekend plots keeps them busy. Men get scared of losing their “lives” hence they will postpone anything that interrupts that schedule or routine and if it comes by mistake they run. Anything other than what they have programmed is chaos in a man’s mind which is why you’ll hear “…but I’m working on this and that” or “Not now.”

Past Experiences

There are some men who have endured physically and emotionally abusive relationships as children and whether they received therapy for this or not, they don’t trust their ability to not do the same thing to a child of their own. Its common for men not to trust themselves with the tenderness of a child, that’s why some can’t hold a new born baby. In aggravated cases a man will also fear raising the child or having anything to do with it.

They were never “men” to begin with. 

A man is by no means some mythological archetype of human strength and perfection but rather someone who accepts accountability for their actions and owns up to them, no matter what. This isn’t the easiest thing to do considering accountability isn’t taught to a man in too many places. The only place a man can learn to be responsible and accountable is from his family or dad to be specific, which today’s family set up doesn’t provide much of. I mean, in some families the mother is the breadwinner, in others the dad provides but is never at home to discipline or talk to the kids or he is there but never gives a hoot. Simply put, boys can only learn to be men from other men and that is a rare species in the new world order.

 A Father Yes, Husband NO

A man might be at a point in his life where he is ready to be a father but there’s a strong possibility he may not want the particular woman he’s impregnated to be the mother of his child or his wife. He might resent the idea of having wasted his “seed” on this particular woman and now being stuck with her. As a girl it’s up to you to know the difference between the two, he wants to be a father and he wants you as a wife. 

When a man is in his early thirties he gets this natural urge to procreate, to be a father, this however isn’t tied to being a husband. That explains why he gets you pregnant and splits, has no qualms with taking responsibility but wants nothing to do with you as a woman. In this case the man is running from you as opposed to the child. There is also a time when a man wants a family; he wants to come home to someone, that’s the perfect time to get paged if your plan is to get him on lock down. Get the timing right, know what he wants in his life and when.

Low Esteem

Esteem issues affect different things in human beings and they get into play as far as procreation is concerned. When a man is responsible for a child he naturally wants to be able to give that child his all, more so the things he wished for but didn’t have.

If a man is struggling to do right by himself it certainly causes him to doubt his prospective parenting skills. Fathers don’t have the luxury of bonding physiologically with a child in the womb they therefore don’t have the connection that moms do during pregnancy. The man might convince himself that he will bring his child more harm than good and decide his unborn little one is better off without him and cause him to run.

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