Thursday, 13 September 2012


Have realistic Expectations

        In a relationship, every partner has his/her expectations that he/she thinks would make it work and last longer. It is, however, important to note that some of the expectations can really make it difficult for the marriage to work well. 
        You should set your expectations and leave some room for the imperfections from the other party. We have different preferences and interpretations about life issues and therefore we should consult our partners to find out how they feel about what you want in the relationship. Communication is the most outstanding tool to make this work.
          We need to see beyond personal failings because in the relationship no one is perfect. Now and again, all marriages need work; expecting it all to be perfect and effortless creates disappointment as unrealistic expectations always do.


            It is very important to let the other party know what is on your mind and what you think can make the relationship work very well.
            Communication is a necessary part of life, from work to school to leisure time. Marriages need communication skills. Communication helps the relationship grow and may need to change as people change throughout the marriage. Married couples may have different ways of expressing themselves, but can still understand one another. Communication in marriage should include non-verbal components like good listening, eye contact and positive body language.
             Communicating about each other's personal quirks, preferences, wants, needs and beliefs helps each partner learn how to treat the other appropriately. All people need to be loved, but we need to be loved in different ways. If anniversaries and holidays are very important to one spouse, but not as much to the other, for instance, the partner who really cares might feel left out on the holiday if he feels his gift or display of affection was more extravagant. But if he knows in advance that his spouse isn't big on holidays, he might not feel so hurt.

Do not criticize, compliment

         Critical partners risk irreparable damage to their relationship. This doesn’t mean you should never complain if your spouse upsets you, but a simple complaint is much less damaging that criticism.
          Criticism attacks the whole person, their core identity (even if that wasn’t your intent); a complaint is instead directed at one-off behaviours. For example: “You are such a lazy woman!” implies they are always like that and it’s a fundamental part of their identity. Whereas “I thought you were being a bit lazy today! That’s not like you!” is time-limited and more specific.
        Some people believe they are trying to ‘improve’ their spouse by constantly pointing out their faults. Even if the intention is good, the consequences are not. Public criticism is humiliating (for both partners), but saying nice things when in company is a wonderful thing to do.
         People in happy marriages feel appreciated, loved, and respected. Spend more time reminding your spouse of their talents, strengths, and what you love and like about them. No one likes to feel they are under constant attack.

Seek God's Guidance

            The most important way of strengthening relationships in and out of marriage are turning to God with our problems. That is sometimes easier to say than to carry out. The following techniques suggests ways for couples to gather strength and counsel through their relationship with God.
           In your relationship make God first. This means to focus on God and trust Him for physical and emotional needs in Matthew 6:31-34, the Bible talks about the importance of trusting God for all your desires. This is true in relationships. Placing God first in our priorities makes it possible for our decisions to reflect Christian values. In relationships a great deal of stress surrounds the decision-making process, by including God in all decisions some of the burden and guess work is already done. God gives answers through the Bible.

 Know when to talk and when to stop talking

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