I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I’d take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven’t figured it out.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He’d tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn’t feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the other guy that you were dating treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you.
You denied having any romantic feelings for him. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn’t know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren’t the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you’re single again you wonder, “What happened to all the nice guys?”
Well, once again, you did.
You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive “just-a-” friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life.
He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren’t really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he’d have to act more like the boyfriend that you had.
He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an a**hole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he’s probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I’m sorry that it took the complete absence of “nice guys” in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them.
Most women will only have a handful of nice guys to stumble into their lives, if that. So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you’ve screwed yourself over.
You’re getting older, after all. It’s time to deal with reality. You didn’t want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn’t want you, now.