Can you two lie in the same bed all night and not even touch each other once? If yes, you both have probably noticed that there are serious problems with your relationship.
The question is - how can you save it? Is there anything you can do before it is too late and things are over for good?
If you are both willing to make an honest attempt to patch things up and are willing to try anything to make it work, you are already to half way down the road to saving your relationship. Now take a look at these ten ways to save your relationship, and be ready to work at it.
1. Think about what brought you two together
Were you instantly attracted to her unique sense of humor or her personality quirks? Did he drive you crazy in his football jersey, or a great outfit you saw him at a club in? What exactly was it that sparked the initial attraction? Revisit your past - go places you used to frequent when your relationship was fresh and new. Do the things that you used to do together. Your feelings for each other are still there, but they have been covered over by the stresses of your lives - it is time to feel them all over again.
2. Touch each other
In our anger or sadness, humans have the instinct to withdraw into themselves - shelter ourselves from anything that might hurt us. However, when you stop reaching out to your loved ones, you hurt them. Make it a point to reach out and run your fingers through her hair. Run your fingers along his arm, or across his back. Whatever it is, just get used to touching each other again.
3. Kiss each other
There is only one problem with number 2 - touching can sometimes come across as accidental - however, a kiss is a kiss, and there absolutely no way to accidentally kiss someone. For women: put your hands around his face, lean in and give him a big kiss - just like if the first time you have kissed him. For men: put your arms around her, run one hand up her back and neck and gently pull her hair - when her head tips back, give her a big kiss. It is amazing how a single, passionate kiss can melt the ice even the strongest anger and sadness.
4. Change your surroundings
Even the best of homes can seem like prisons if you stare at them long enough. Go away for a weekend - or, take a Friday off and make it a three-day weekend. If you can't afford to go far, or just can't, you should take the time to go to a local hotel - just that little mini-getaway can make a world of differences in putting the two of you in better moods.
5. Respect Each Other
It is a common known fact that we treat strangers with respect - often more respect than we treat people we have know our entire lives. In public we take care to make sure our manners are exquisite - but, in relationships, we often get so comfortable that we can forget to be polite and courteous. Is that fair? No. So, change it. Give out compliments for all the small things that he or she does. Say please and thank you all time. It is time to start treating your significant other like they are someone special, and someone that you really, really like.
6. Learn something new together
Stop fighting long enough to learn something together. Take a ballroom dancing class. Join a bowling league. Take a continuing education class together. There are so many great things that you can learn how to do together to build a new and exciting bond to replace any of the old skills that have gotten lost in the mix of your daily lives.
7. Try to talk it out
A man cannot read a woman's mind - you have to tell him things! Imagine that you got your hair cut, and he still hasn't said anything about it. Was it a dramatic change? Did you hack off 6 inches, or more, or completely change the style? If not, it is possible that it just did not register to him. Would you get mad at him for not noticing, and let that eat at you from inside? Would it cross your mind that he may have noticed, did not really like it, and didn't say anything in order to keep from hurting your feelings. Anyway, you need to tell him that you are mad that he didn't notice, or say anything - but, just be prepared for him to tell you that he didn't like it - which, of course, may make you even angrier .
8. Write a letter
A handwritten letter says a ton of things - first, and foremost, it shows that you care enough to take the time and effort. Second, if you really are not communicating in any other way, it may be your last best hope. Write a letter listing the things that you are feeling, the things that you don't like and what changes you would like to make. However, and this is extremely important, remember that you must be ready to back up anything that wrote if a confrontation, or discussion ensues.
9. Try professional counseling
You may have a hard time considering your man to attend counseling with you - we are extremely proud people, and do not like to admit that we need help, with anything (especially if we know that we really need help with it). Talking things out with friends and family has a serious flaw - they have loyalties to one of you, or the other. However, a counselor is completely neutral and will maintain objectivity in their assessment and assistance.
10. A Breakup or Trial Separation
If all else fails, take some time apart - cut off contact completely for a while. Move on and develop your own lives. It has been said that absence makes the heart grow fonder - and getting your lover back after a breakup is part of the magic of making up. Often times, a couple that go their separate ways, build their own lives independently and then rediscover each other, can come back with a stronger, more balanced relationship.
If you make it to step ten, and decide to call things off for a while, you will need to really move on, and rebuild yourselves before you make any moves to get back together - at this point it is not about saving your relationship - it is about rekindling your attraction and building a new, stronger relationship.